Today’s post is by my friend, Tandra. We work together at Black Hawk Elementary and she is an incredible teacher. We share a love for Jesus and I know without a doubt our paths were meant to cross. Today she is sharing her story of how God lead her to adoption in more than one way. Because adoption is so expensive, I would love for us to come together to help her raise the $22,545 to bring home her next baby. At the end of her story, I will share a couple links of ways in which you all can help.
Being a mother is one of the highest callings in life. Even as a young girl, I knew that I wanted to be a mother when I grew up.
Like many young women, I thought that I would find someone, get married and have children during or soon after graduating from college. Around the age of 31, I realized that marriage may not be in my future and started considering the possibility of adoption. I felt that my single status should not hinder my chances of becoming a mother. At that time in my life, it was something that I was considering, but not actively pursuing, because I still thought that I would have time to have children.
Four years later, as a result of a medical issue, I learned that I would not be able to have biological children. I was devastated, and angry with God for not giving me the desires that I had wanted all of my life. In my eyes, I felt like my life was over or simply a waste. What good was I as a woman if I could not have children? I scoured the Bible for answers and prayed relentlessly that God would miraculously heal my body and this would all just be a bad nightmare that wouldn’t last forever.
Physical healing never came, but God pressed even harder on my heart that adoption was no longer just a thought that I should be entertaining. It was His will for my life, and became my desire.
I was nervous to tell my family about my plans, and secretly looked on line at different agencies and different adoption possibilities. I knew my parents and siblings would support me in any decision that I made, but speaking it out loud would make everything so real and also meant that I had to admit to myself that conventionally becoming a mother was no longer an option for me.
There were many sleepless nights filled with prayer, scripture reading, searching the internet, and mostly crying. Something led me to one particular agency that specialized in connecting birth mothers with prospective families. The name of the company also helped.
Angel Adoptions Inc. was a very selective company that only chose 5 new prospective adoptive families a month. When I applied, it was already near the end of the month and I was told that there was only one more spot left to fill.
Three days seemed like an eternity, but I was confident that this was where God was leading me. I was elated when I received the call that I was selected to be the final prospective parent, out of over 200 applicants, that was allowed into the program that month.
As the first 2-3 months passed, I excitedly waited for that call that would change my life forever. I carefully watched the website, decorated and set up a nursery. I even made my new favorite verse into a decal and stuck it on my future child’s wall.
1 Samuel 1:27: For this child I have prayed, and God has granted the desires of my heart.
I knew that if God had granted Hannah’s desire, He would also grant mine. I had so much to offer. I just knew that a birthmother would pick me. In my mind, I had great answers to my profile questions. I picked only the best pictures of me that showed what a fun and loving mother I would be. Angel Adoptions Inc. had such a great success rate in placing babies with adoptive parents. I knew that it wouldn’t be long before I too would be chosen.
Boy, was I WRONG! A few months turned into half a year. Half a year turned into a year. A year turned into a year and a half. I only had a two year contract with the agency before I would have to reapply and pay that mountain of fees all over again. The mountain of fees that both my parents and I had taken out loans to pay for. Meanwhile, I watched the monthly newsletters that came out celebrating the new families that were created from the sacrifice of birthmothers.
What was wrong with me? What did these people have that I didn’t? What made them a better pick than me? Once again, I spiraled down into a pity party. All the while, watching my sister bring a new baby into her family, a sister-in-law bring a baby into theirs, and two cousins bring new babies into our ever growing extended family. I wondered if maybe I had only thought I had heard God’s voice telling me that I would become a mother through adoption.
It wasn’t until late August of 2014, that I finally got my call. A birthmother had picked me and wanted to talk to me. I immediately called her back, and once again felt God reassuring me that becoming a mother was still one of His many plans for me.
After many conversations, I learned that originally, the birthmother as well as the birthfather, did not want to look at any profiles that did not include both a mother and a father. A single parent was out of the question for this baby. She took her stack of prospective parents and started separating them into 2 piles. A pile of “two parent” homes, and a pile of “single parent” homes that would not be read. She told me she didn’t know why, but when my profile came up, she put it in the same pile as the two- parent homes. She saw something in my picture and, on a whim, decided to keep my profile. It was placed on the top of the stack and left to be read later. When she finally returned to the stack, my profile was still on top and she decided to read it. That was it for her. After reading my profile, she knew definitely that I was to be the mother of this baby. She did not read any other profiles. The birthfather also agreed. That circumstance couldn’t be anything other than the hand of God.
I knew that God had planned this child for me. She had been designed to be my daughter from the very start, even before she was thought into being.
The next few months were not the smooth sailing, “little to no worries” months that some mothers experience through their pregnancies. It was full of ups and downs, doubts and fears that many adoptive parents experience. One such time was when we learned that the baby, that was soon to be my child, was a girl. I was excited! My sister had three girls and I could imagine all of the fun things we would do together with our daughters. My daughter’s birthmother had a completely different emotion. Hers was one of pain and doubt. She was already a mother to two boys and had always wanted a daughter. She had gone back and forth with her decision several times, while I lived in a constant state of fear, before finally deciding to go ahead and proceed with the adoption.
On April 7, 2015, my daughter, Katelynn was born, three days late. She was already showing me her stubborn and independent character. God had finally given me the chance to become a mother. A mother to a daughter who has the same personality and defiant streak I had as a child. A daughter whose face lights up when I walk in the door from being at work all day. A constant source of the words, “I love you, Mommy.” Those are the 4 most precious words that I will never tire of hearing.
Being a mother has been one of the most fulfilling jobs I have ever had. My daughter is the light of my world. For the 2 ½ years that she has been a part of my life she has been my world.
Recently, this past summer, I once again felt the strong desire to have another child. I didn’t want Katelynn to grow up an only child. I loved having siblings and I wanted Katelynn to have that same experience. Deep down I told myself that another child would not be a possibility for me. I would never have enough money to pay for Angel Adoptions services again, plus the agency in Texas, as well as the agency here in Illinois. Every time the thought would enter my mind, I would suck back the pain and tell God that she was enough. And she is. She is everything I ever wanted, but that still didn’t stop the nagging feelings that I wanted her to grow up and have a brother or sister to fight with, learn valuable lessons with, and to lean on for support when life gets hard. Everything I had with my siblings. It never entered my mind that I would have the real possibility and opportunity to become a mother again. It was impossible!
By now, I should know that nothing is impossible with God.
Once again in late August of this year, I got an email from the adoption agency in Texas. Katelynn’s birthmother was pregnant again and wanted to know if I wanted this child. She asked them to ask me first before pursuing other prospective parents. I leaped at the chance! My impossibility had become possible. Katelynn could have a sibling. A real, full biological sibling.
Many would think that this adoption would be so much easier having already gone through an adoption and with the same birthmother. Boy, would they be wrong! There have still been many obstacles and hurdles that I’ve had to jump over. For instance, would I be able to get another loan while still paying off the loan from Katelynn’s adoption? If I did get a loan, would it be enough to pay for all of the new expenses?
God has shown me in so many ways that this baby has also been planned for my life. He has used a deep desire in my heart, a stranger with a wooden cross outside of the credit union, and a friend who has felt God telling her to pray for and help a family adopt a baby, without evening knowing my situation, as a confirmation that I am indeed to be this baby’s mother.
Once again, Hannah’s words from 1 Samuel echo in my mind: “For this child I have prayed, and God has granted the desires of my heart.”Ways YOU can help!
- If you would like to follow along with Tandra’s story you can do so over at the Jett Pack Adoption Facebook Page.
- For the months of October and November, a portion from every family session booked with jclaytor photography will go toward the Jett Pack adoption.
- Support this adoption by purchasing a Jett Pack shirt. Our goal is to sell 100 shirts by October 21, 2017.
- Give Financially at Go Fund Me.
- Pray- Pray for the funds to cover this adoption, for the health of the and baby and for the whole Jett family as they anxiously await the newest member of their family.
- Share this post, so that others may here Tandra’s story and urge others to help where they can.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the time to read my friend’s story and for helping where you can.